My Life. My Struggle. My Healing.

May 26, 2026

This past weekend, I laid in bed and cried over a life I thought I was going to have. A life I was promised. I was deceived in one of the cruelest ways possible.

When someone promises to love you “in sickness and in health,” it’s natural to believe them. But when I was sick, I was abandoned. I was belittled. I was mocked. I was left to fend for myself while still caring for my children.

When I look back now, I wonder what made me believe that was love. Why did I beg so hard for someone like that to love me?

But the truth is, that was the kind of love I had always known. The flaky kind. The kind that never shows up. The kind that betrays you. The kind that hurts you in the deepest ways possible.

Sometimes I pity the version of me that accepted that kind of treatment, and honestly, it makes me sick. Because I never want to be that woman again. I never want to beg someone to keep their promises or simply be kind to me.

Every cruel word that was spoken to me was brushed off as “just a joke,” and I was told I was “too sensitive.” I was constantly told that I was mistreated because of my attitude. I was made to believe I deserved the things that happened to me.

I was lied to.

And that has been one of the hardest things to heal from.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully accept someone’s kindness without fearing there’s harm or hidden motives behind it. That’s sad, but it’s what I learned from people who claimed they loved me.

At this point in my life, I know I have to learn to love myself first. Because if I truly love myself, then I will know what I deserve and how I deserve to be treated — and I will never accept less again.

The hard truth is that I am still actively being abused in some ways. The courts do not always protect women, and that’s a heartbreaking reality many people don’t want to talk about.

So I pray constantly that God protects me in every way possible. Right now, He is the only One I fully trust. I have to believe that He will heal me. I have to believe things will work out. I have to believe the abuse will eventually end.

I have to live by faith.

And if you’re going through a terrible season in your life, I encourage you to open your Bible and read Psalms. Write down a verse that speaks to your heart. Then write down five things you want God to do in your life — and have faith that He will do them.

Even if your faith is small right now, hold onto it anyway.

Let’s keep healing.

Love always,

Kelsey