My Life. My Struggle. My Healing.

May 29th, 2026

There are nights when the silence feels unbearable. Nights when I sit crying, wondering if real love was simply never meant for me. I have spent so much of my life wanting the kind of love people write stories about. The fairytale kind. The kind where someone chooses you gently and consistently. Flowers just because they thought of you. Dancing under the stars. Little handwritten notes hidden where you will find them later. Safe love. Honest love. Loyal love. The kind that protects your heart instead of breaking it.

But that is not the kind of love I have known.

I have known the kind of love that pretends. The kind that makes promises while quietly destroying you behind closed doors. I have been told by people who claimed to love me that I was hard to love. Too emotional. Too much. I have been blamed for the pain their actions caused me, as if reacting to hurt somehow made me responsible for the hurt itself. There is something deeply heartbreaking about begging someone to stop hurting you, only to be made to feel like your pain is the problem.

And after enough disappointment, enough betrayal, enough tears, you start wondering if maybe you were never worthy of real love to begin with.

But I refuse to believe that anymore.

I do not want to spend the rest of my life carrying wounds that were created by people who refused to heal themselves. People who never changed their behavior. I do not want survival mode to be the closest thing I experience to love. I want more for my life. I want the kind of love God speaks about. The kind that is patient and gentle. The kind that does not humiliate, manipulate, abandon, or destroy. I want to feel safe in someone’s presence instead of anxious. I want to grow with someone instead of constantly trying to recover from them.

I still believe God created someone with me in mind.

A man who will love me loudly when I need reassurance and softly when my heart is tired. A man who will handle my heart with care instead of using my wounds against me. Someone who will not make me beg for the bare minimum of respect and kindness. Someone who will protect my peace instead of becoming the reason I lose it.

And if somehow he reads this one day, I want him to know something.

I pray for you daily.

I pray God prepares your heart for me and prepares mine for you. I pray our love brings peace instead of chaos. I pray you will have patience with the parts of me that are still healing from things I did not deserve. I pray I never punish you for the pain caused by people before you. I pray God gives me the wisdom to recognize healthy love when it finally finds me, because after surviving toxic love for so long, healthy love can almost feel unfamiliar. I pray that if fear ever makes me try to push you away, you do not immediately give up on me. I pray you pursue me with reassurance, patience, consistency, and love. I pray you show me what it feels like to truly be cared for instead of simply tolerated. I pray you never weaponize my wounds against me or make me feel ashamed for the ways heartbreak changed me. And even though the world tries to convince me that I am “hard to love,” I pray you remind me that love was never supposed to hurt, confuse, or destroy me in the first place. I pray you never give up on me during the moments when healing feels messy. Not because I expect perfection from you, but because I long for a love that stays gentle even when life gets difficult.

But, I also pray that I am the person you need in your life too. I pray that I can love you in the ways your heart needs most. I pray I can be your safe place on the hard days and your biggest supporter through every dream God places on your heart. I pray I learn how to love you gently, honestly, and deeply.

I pray that together we grow instead of destroy one another. I pray we help each other heal instead of reopening old wounds. I pray our relationship is filled with grace, patience, laughter, loyalty, and peace. I pray we choose each other daily, even when life gets hard. And above all, I pray we never stop growing together — individually, emotionally, and spiritually — into the people God created us to be.

Most of all, I hope you know that even before we meet, you are being prayed for.

And maybe today, instead of grieving the love I have not received yet, I can hold onto hope that somewhere out there, someone is praying for me too.

Now I’m asking you to write a letter to your future spouse, partner, or even to yourself. Be honest about the kind of love you have experienced and the kind of love you hope to receive someday. Write about the things you no longer want to tolerate, the fears you carry because of past heartbreak, and the ways you hope love will feel in the future. Then end your letter by writing a prayer over both your future self and the person you hope to one day grow beside.

Love always,

Kelsey