October 4th, 2026
God has a funny way of getting our attention. I always pray for God to be clear with me. I need things practically spelled out because I am a big doubter. I overthink way too much, and I question everything. I can convince myself something was just a coincidence or that maybe I’m trying to make something mean more than it actually does.
But Sunday’s church sermon left me with very little room to question whether it was meant for me.
If you read my previous blog, you heard my open prayer to God. I prayed, “God, please help me see what You love about me so that I can love myself.” I prayed for Him to show me that I don’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve been treated. I prayed for Him to remove people who continue to hurt me and to give me peace, real love, and purpose.
And I don’t even want to show you what the week after writing that blog looked like.
My kindness was taken advantage of, and it left me in a financial situation I never should have been placed in. I helped someone because I cared, and I was the one left dealing with the consequences. At the same time, I was being treated unkindly by my estranged spouse and once again facing the reality that I cannot make another person care about my feelings, change behaviors that are hurting me, or love me the way I need to be loved.
So I decided to sell what I had purchased, hoping I could at least get some of the money back that I had lost because my kindness had been taken advantage of.
And somehow even that turned ugly.
I listed it on Facebook Marketplace. Someone made me an offer, I didn’t accept it, and suddenly a complete stranger was attacking me personally. I was called nasty, obese, and other cruel things simply because I wouldn’t accept the amount they wanted to pay.
And I remember thinking about the timing of all of this.
I had just publicly prayed, God, show me what You love about me so that I can learn to love myself. Show me that I don’t deserve to be treated this way.
And almost immediately, it felt like everything around me was trying to convince me of the opposite.
I believe there is a spiritual battle in that. I believe the enemy knows when God is building something inside of us, and lately I can feel something stirring in my soul. Something is changing. And the enemy would love nothing more than to take every insecurity I’ve carried and make those voices louder than what God is trying to tell me.
Then Sunday came.
I sat in church, and the sermon was about seeing ourselves the way Jesus sees us.
One of the first things I wrote in my notes was:
“Jesus wants you to see yourself how He sees you.”
I remember thinking, Okay, God. I hear You.
Because how much clearer could that have been?
I had literally been asking God to show me what He loves about me so that I could learn to love myself, and now I was sitting in church hearing about how differently Jesus sees us compared to how we see ourselves.
For so long, I have seen myself through other people’s eyes. Through rejection. Through betrayal. Through being cheated on. Through cruel words. Through abandonment. Through every experience that made me question whether I was worth loving.
But what if those people were never qualified to tell me who I am?
I wrote another sentence in my notes and circled it:
“Show me who I am to You, Jesus.”
That’s what I want now.
Another part of the sermon that stayed with me was the warning not to keep looking back at what God has saved you from. I also wrote:
“Watch out for past destructive behaviors.”
That one made me look at myself.
Because sometimes my destructive behavior is going back.
Going back to people. Going back to situations. Going back and explaining myself one more time, hoping this time someone will understand. Hoping this time something will finally change.
At some point, I have to ask myself why I keep looking backward while begging God to move me forward.
So I went to the altar.
I prayed for God to remove the things and the people holding me back and blocking the path He has for me. I asked Him to protect my path. I asked Him to show me His love for me. And I asked Him to give me the strength to stop reaching backward for the things He may be trying to remove.
One of my notes from the sermon said:
“You have to fight every day to be the new you.”
I’m starting to understand that.
After church, my kids and I went out to eat. We sat down, gave thanks for our food, and ate. I remember telling the kids to get to-go boxes because whatever they didn’t finish could be their dinner later.
Then a man I hadn’t noticed anywhere in the restaurant—and it was a small restaurant—walked over wearing a Tennessee hat. He tapped on our table, looked at me, and said, “You look like you have your hands full, so I went ahead and paid for y’all’s lunch today.”
I thanked him, but I was honestly so stunned that I don’t think I expressed how grateful I really was.
And when he walked away, I thought about what had just happened.
Just days earlier, a stranger who knew absolutely nothing about me chose cruelty.
Now another stranger who knew absolutely nothing about me chose kindness.
And after the prayer I had prayed and the sermon I had just heard, that simple act meant so much more to me than that man could have possibly known.
The thought that came into my mind was simple:
I am worthy of kindness.
I’m worthy of someone being nice to me without having to earn it. Without begging for it. Without convincing them that I deserve it.
Just kindness.
Another line from my notes said:
“Echo God’s Word about you.”
Not their words.
His.
I’m beginning to realize that I don’t deserve a marriage where I am not treated with kindness. I don’t deserve to be cheated on. I don’t deserve cruel words or actions. I don’t deserve to keep holding onto something with someone who isn’t showing me through their actions that they want to hold onto it too.
I don’t know with 100% certainty what God is telling me about my marriage, and I won’t put words in God’s mouth. But I know what I can see in front of me. I know when I’m not being treated with kindness. I know when my feelings aren’t being cared for. And I know I cannot save anything by myself.
If my estranged husband truly wants our marriage, then it is his responsibility to show that through his actions, his love, his faithfulness, and his willingness to change. I cannot do his part for him. And in the nine months we’ve been separated, kindness has been inconsistent—here and there, on and off—but more often than not, I’ve been met with unkindness and no willingness to change long term and be consistent. 
And I think I have to stop trying to save something alone.
I prayed for God to remove whatever is blocking my path. So if He clears something from that path, I have to stop constantly looking backward trying to put it back.
I have to believe there can be something better ahead of me. A life where kindness isn’t something I have to beg for. A love that doesn’t constantly leave me questioning whether I’m loved. A life where I know my worth because I finally learned to see myself through the eyes of Jesus instead of through the eyes of people who hurt me.
I’m still learning. I’m still going to doubt. I’m probably still going to look backward sometimes.
But I think God is starting to answer the prayer I prayed out loud for everyone to read:
Show me what You love about me so that I can learn to love myself.
And maybe He’s starting by teaching me something incredibly simple:
I am worthy of kindness.
And so I pray today, out loud for all to read.
God, please continue to show me what You love about me and how deeply You love me, so that I can learn to love myself. Remove the people from my life who continue to hurt me and refuse to change. Allow them no access to me or my children. Let me feel the love of Jesus in every area of my life. Make my path clear, protect it, and give me the strength to follow wherever You are leading me. And God, I pray one simple prayer: restore what the enemy meant for evil and give back what was stolen from me throughout all these years.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Love always,
Kelsey
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