Dear Reader,

November 3rd, 2026

It’s been almost a month since I’ve written, and once again, I can see how many of you have been checking in, waiting for my newest blog post. I promise I haven’t disappeared. I’ve just been living, learning, healing, and trying to figure out what it really means to be a woman of God.

I’ve spent this past month embracing life as a newbie Christian. I’ve been learning through the women in my church, therapy, podcasts, books, and most importantly, through my relationship with God. I’ve been intentional about changing the way I think, the way I respond, the way I love, and the way I see the people around me. I’ve been trying to learn not just how to read the Word, but how to actually live it.

And honestly? Most days, I feel at peace.

I’ve had people tell me that the changes they’ve seen in me have inspired them. Some have been encouraged to find their way back to church. Some have found the strength to forgive people they never thought they could forgive. Others have simply admired the love for God that has been growing in my heart. And those moments mean more to me than they probably realize.

But then there are the other comments. The names. The judgment. Being called “holier than thou”, by more than a few people, and being made to feel ashamed for finding God.

And I’ll admit, sometimes those words get to me.

I find myself questioning everything. Am I doing too much? Am I talking about God too much? Am I being too different? Am I becoming someone people no longer recognize? I can receive ten encouraging words, but somehow, it’s the one person who tears me down that I find myself thinking about.

I remember reading the verse in John 15:18 that says, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” And I remind myself that following Jesus doesn’t mean everyone is going to understand me, agree with me, or even like the person I’m becoming.

But knowing that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

The hardest part of this journey is that I’m trying to become a softer person while still living through things that have made me feel anything but soft. I’m trying to forgive while still being hurt. I’m trying to love while still protecting myself. I’m trying to find peace while dealing with the same situations and, sometimes, the same people who have taken so much of it away from me.

And forgiveness? Whew. That’s a battle of its own.

There are days I don’t want to forgive. Days when I think about everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve cried over, everything I’ve had to carry, and I simply don’t feel like extending grace to the people who haven’t shown me any. Sometimes I want an apology. Sometimes I want accountability. Sometimes I just want someone to acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused instead of expecting me to move on as if nothing ever happened.

But then I remember that my relationship with God cannot be built around the actions of other people.

I want God’s forgiveness. I want His grace. I want His mercy. And I know I have to keep working on extending that same forgiveness to others.

I’m also learning that forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean allowing people to keep hurting me or giving them unlimited access to me and my children. I can forgive someone and still pray that God keeps them far away from us. I can release the anger without reopening the door.

Because I’m not just praying for a changed heart. I’m praying for a changed life.

I’m still learning how to navigate financial, emotional, and mental abuse while trying to build a life rooted in faith. Some days I feel like I’m taking two steps forward and three steps back. Some days I feel strong enough to handle anything, and other days I find myself crying, questioning, and wondering when things will finally get easier.

But even on those days, I’m trying to remember that God hasn’t left me.

I don’t have this Christian thing figured out. I’m not perfect. I’m still going to have bad days, make mistakes, get frustrated, and struggle with forgiveness. I’m still going to have moments when my old ways of thinking creep back in. But I’m learning that being a Christian doesn’t mean I never struggle. It means I have somewhere to turn when I do.

I’m not claiming to be better than anyone. I’m simply trying to be better than the person I used to be.

And if that makes some people uncomfortable, I have to learn to be okay with that.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re also in a season of trying to heal while still being hurt, trying to forgive while still remembering, or trying to find God while life continues to test you, I hope you know you’re not alone.

I’m right there with you.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m stumbling. I’m praying. And I’m trying again tomorrow.

So today, this is my prayer:

God,

Please help me forgive the people who have caused me pain, even on the days when my heart isn’t ready. Help me release the anger, the resentment, and the hurt that I’ve carried for so long. But while You teach me to forgive, please also protect me.

Protect me and my children from people and situations that bring us harm. Close every door that needs to remain closed. Remove access where access is no longer healthy. Cover our lives with the blood of Jesus and protect us from every attack, seen and unseen.

Lord, I also ask You to protect my finances, my income, and everything I’ve worked so hard to build. Don’t allow the bitterness, jealousy, or hatred of others to interfere with the stability I’m trying so hard to create for myself and my children. Protect the resources You have provided for us. Don’t allow anyone’s ill intentions to become an obstacle in our lives. Where others wish to see me struggle, please continue to provide. Where others hope to see me fall, give me the strength and stability to stand. Remind me that my provision comes from You, not from the approval or goodwill of other people.

When I’m tempted to react out of hurt, give me patience. When I’m tempted to give up, give me strength. When I start questioning myself because of what others say, remind me why I started this journey in the first place.

Please don’t let the hurt I’ve experienced turn my heart bitter. Don’t let the things people have done to me change the woman You’re working so hard to create.

I pray for peace that doesn’t depend on what’s happening around me. Hope when I feel hopeless. Love when I’ve been shown the opposite. And joy that no person or situation can take away.

Most importantly, God, keep working on me. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it’s hard. Even when I don’t understand.

I don’t want to just talk about You. I want my life to reflect You.

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m grateful that I’m not who I used to be, and I have faith that I’m not yet who I’m going to become.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Love always,

Kelsey